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The current period marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This means seeking out someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {