Those Phrases shared by A Dad That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now better used to addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk among men, who still hold onto negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a break - spending a few days overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - taking care of you is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."